I felt like I was being pulled under and that all of the bliss and light and love we raised this weekend was being washed away and I couldn't see which way to stand strong. My feet were flailing in the currents of emotions and I was drowning in my tears.
It brought a reoccurring dream to mind: I'm standing in the ocean and the tides shift and I am yanked under the current and get pulled under and I am entangled in seaweed, flapping for dear life, breath escaping me and my body does the only thing it could do which was reach for the ground and stand up. My feet found the sand and I stood and found myself back in the light, air in my lungs and no mistaking where my heart was because it was beating so hard.
That was the energy I had as I made my way up the stairs to my house. I spent some time out back, sitting in the sun, sending the love I have in me up and out and across the country to all those affected by this act of hate and terror.
A few phone calls later, we are preparing for a vigil. On the heels of our INCREDIBLE Inaugural Astoria Pride, the love we generated, we needed to offer that up. I kept flashing on the brilliance and beauty of our parade along the mighty Columbia; all of the people who gathered to walk with us!!! My mind was blown and the final piece of armor over my heart fell away as I saw my mother walking up to me to walk in the parade with us!!
Such tears of joy. Surrounded by love and light; all of us ready to shine for our community and show our true colors.
All of the families gathered, the children having so much fun!
The trolley arriving, cutting the ribbon and watching the hundreds of people pass by as we make our way up river.
Dragalution took up the rear of the parade, at first, then as we passed, the onlookers would join us and our profession grew with each step we took.
Then, my dad is standing there waiting to walk with us the rest of the way, I am blessed!!! The hugs we got as we continued on. The grandstand at Buoy Beer, Poison Waters and Dida running the show; hundreds of people gathered to cheer us on!!!
That should have been it but we continued with that love and walked through town, stopping in the shops to thank them for their support by decorating and being there for us, letting our community know they support us.
So much love!!! Love wins! Always.
That tide of excitement carried me through the rest of the day!! The dance party was just astonishing!! So many people of all ages and styles were gathered as we lifted out arms and raised the roof and brought the love out strong.
Around 11, I felt like I was going to collapse; my body was drained and I had to slip away; my world was spinning, there was so much in me that I couldn't hold it together a longer. That was around the time of the attack..
As we gathered for the vigil; we placed our rainbow flags around the Garden of Surging Waves and tied black ribbons to them. We lit sage and smudged the space, flowers as an offering and we gathered. So many people approaching to share in this moment. Hugs, tears, smiles, laughter and fear.
I'm doing my best to keep it together, we all are. We share stories, several of our community are from Orlando and knew people that had been torn apart by this act of hatred and terror.
Tears flooding the ground beneath us, white sage smoke in the air, the choir sings 'over the rainbow' I feel the sun on my face and heart as I sing up and out.
We gather in a circle, well, a snake of a circle, to hold hands. We felt the presence of one another and breathed in all of the joy and bliss that we created this weekend and raised our arms as one and sent all that love and light up and out and across the country to all of those hearts in need. I felt that beacon of light shooting away, my body trembled. My mom holding one hand, my brother the other.
We proceeded to walk through town and hang a black ribbon from all of our pride banners through downtown. Each of us taking a turn. The little kids doing most of the hanging with the loving care of my brother helping them as I held the ladder. Love wins. Always.
It was such a healing moment and one that allowed us to keep that joy and electric love we created this weekend and send it out.
It is at this time, that we have to find our footing together; to not sink back in to the safety of our homes, but to stand as a community to make change happen. We must step forward with love in our hearts. No matter how much anger and rage we have there, we have to shift that tone and step on with love and kindness and open hearts and love. We need to stand together and continue to hold hands and support one another, now more than ever.
We proved somethings 
this weekend: we are powerful, we are ready, we are all one and we are extraordinary!!!
You, my fellow friends, have blown my heart wide open. This weekend exceeded every expectation I had for our pride!!!!! The parade was the highlight of my life. Your love carries me on.
Let us all step forward together, we are warriors of love and change, we are Astoria, we are! Love wins. Always
I am yours,
Marco
