Happy New Year!!

For the past dozen or so years, I have made it a ritual to take time and write down the aspects of who I am, what I'd like to change, how I relate to the world around me and I go to the forest or beach and read them out loud and burn it as a means of shedding the power I give things over my life.

It is always surprising what gets written down; since I'm not much for editing my thoughts and I am my own harshest critic, this year I have made two stacks of thoughts to burn and I have to tell you it is going to feel great to burn these thoughts away!!! I have shame written down 5 times, it just kept popping up:)

What This meditation has revealed most: at my true core I am an aggressive ass hole.  I work hard, every moment of every day, to silence the rage within my soul.  I have found many tools to aide me on my path to honesty, grace, kindness and love.  The most important one has been my prism theory: I look at the people and situations that bring me frustration as an extension of the light that shines from within me and I ask myself what it is about this person or frustrating situation that I recognize about myself and I use it as a means to find deeper compassion for those moments.  How is this me? How can I affect change?  Do I really need to be a bitch because this person is so removed that s/he can't fucking use their blinker or have enough common sense that it is just plain tacky to go into a restaurant with outside food or beverages and sit at a dirty table.

At those moments (and I generally win this game with myself) I take a deep breath, maybe hum a little tune and try to let it go. This last year I only had 4 moments at the cafe where I had to let my inner ass hole out and I am working for even less this year.

You see, I choose to live each day, no matter how hard it may be to do, with loving kindness towards others in the world around me. I choose to get dressed and present my best self every day. I choose to look at you and smile as we pass on the street. I choose to overcome my short comings in life to make sure I can have the best time and most fun possible I every day I get to live.

And it is with that spirit that I burn down those issues that keep me bound to my true nature of aggressive ass hole; I deserve better;)

And with that I hope that you all have a much easier time at finding the joy and bliss in your lives than I do in mine!!!!

I am determined to shine more brightly than I ever have before this year!

Love to you all!

The path to DRAGALUTION!!

The journey for this show is really pushing me in ways I hadn't anticipated! I am just loving the crew of performers I have! It is frustrating being the director/choreographer in regards to not being pissed off every time someone doesn't want to come to rehearsal; they aren't under contract so I can't force people to want to be at rehearsal... Personally, I live for it! I love being able to get together with these amazing people and craft dances and work on building a fierce show!!!

I was in a particularly pissed mood last night, the full moon didn't help things;), and really wanted to be able to finish the opening number, but that wasn't going to be possible with several people not coming to rehearsal. I'm not typing any of this to be a bitch, I'm just shedding light on my perspective as a frustrated choreographer and performer. 

On the walk to our amazing dance studio, the Astoria Arts and Movement Center, I felt like my hands were tied and that I was going to disappoint the cast members that did show up. I mean, I have the 'angry hand job' number floating in my mind but I hadn't had the time to work it out on my body to be able to teach it.  I was feeling extremely unprepared.  

Well, I reached deep into my patience center and pulled up all the creative strength my tired little mind and body could muster and we had the best fucking rehearsal!!!! The movement just snapped right out and before you knew it we had learned the whole number and we all felt fierce about it and we were all sweaty from the hard work and dancing!!!

It really taught me that it all happens as it needs to happen; it being what ever it needs to be....life is glorious that way. I let go of my frustrations and found a deeper grace and breath and went for it and it felt magnificent! I think I will try these tactics in the rest of my life and see what happens:)

I am grateful for each person I get to work with in this show and I accept the fact that people don't have the same drive as me; that doesn't mean that they are being rude to me or the rest of the cast for not being there, it just is as it needs to be. No judgment just the facts.

I am excited to see where this show leads us! I can't wait to share it with you all and hear what you think about it all!

And again, this isn't a bitch fest, I am just sharing how my mind and soul react to situations I am placed in.  You all know I love you crazy!!! Daylight

The path to DRAGALUTION

Hello there! Words and thoughts have been jumbled and confused as we start another rehearsal process for DRAGALUTION: Daylight and her sexy bastards-raw.

I am very excited for this show! Some of the numbers have been in my head for years, others random thoughts that have been nagging me for months and the songs just keep cuming:)

For this show, the cast will be performing as men.  It has raised many questions as to what is masculine?.. I am male, yet sometimes I feel more feminine ( and not just because I'm in drag).  It may be the way I'm sitting, maybe the way I enter a room, sip a drink... 

Then, to take the idea of being male and placing dance on it; for some it is just mind blowing.  It takes me back to writing my thesis for my MFA

in Dance; my focus was on the role of the male in dance and dance education. I did a lot of research on finding the strength within the vulnerability. The solo I learned was by Ted Shawn, the father of Modern Dance in America, O Brother Sun O Sister Moon.  It is the dance of Saint Francis. A powerful piece which requires immense vulnerability and strength.  It pushed me to find the core of my male strength and the grace of the heavens. 

I'm coming to discover that male is as male is.  It is unique to each male that is given a set of balls and testosterone to deal with.  It has nothing to do with appearance, some of the most butch men I know clipper off all body hair and wear Lycra tops to show off their amazing physiques.  Flannel and Romeos are no longer for the logger or fisherman, but for the practical fashion gay too:)  all lines are being crossed and things are obscured and we all stand around scratching our balls wondering 'what the fuck.'

And it is with that energy that I approach this show- what the fuck!! To me, to be male means to own who you are. To thrust forward into the world. Make a mess if I have to and not apologize for it but own it!! It is essential to find the strength and grace within ones own body and make it work for oneself; not an easy task but so worth the work. So, if I'm doing something and it feels 'gay' to me that doesn't mean it has to feel gay to you or be seen as gay by anyone- that is my projection. 

As a choreographer, I can only teach things as they manifest within my physical sphere of expression; and it is up to the people, the 'men' I'm working with to make it feel masculine. We can not all look the same! Thank goodness:) we have to all be willing to take what is given and make it our own. It is a tough order to place, but oh so satisfying when the boundaries of the mind are broken down and we are able to stand within our own flesh feeling not as we once were but as the creation of what we have worked so hard to express.

I love working with the artists in my family that I get to work with!!! We all trust that it will happen; we all know that what will cum will be awesome- if only just for us. If any of my family is reading this, know how much I love and respect you for going on this ride with me!!! And for everyone that is always showing me such love and support, I thank you to the moon and back! I am the man I am because of you!!! And I love the man/queen I am becoming!!!! Much love, Daylight