The storm inside

I have found myself speachless the last week... I have words, thoughts and emotions but finding the breath and air to support them has rendered me speachless.

This time of year is like that.  The other day, I went for a hike in the forest and I was taken aback by how gorgeous and vibrant it all was, and at the same time I noticed how fall is upon us and things are dying back for the winter to come back larger and more glorious than the year before.

I find myself in a similar situation. I love my life so much! I love my work, the people I get to spend my time with; the art I get to express and the time I get alone to reflect and breathe.

Yet, at the same time, my entire world is shifting.... My housemate and soul sister/goddess of everything divine in the world is moving out to begin her new chapter I her glorious life.  My best friend, and I do have many ( wink with a full heart) is moving here from Eugene to start her life here and we have plans, she has plans, I have plans... We all have plans... And it gets a bit scary.  I can't help but find myself perfectly calm.  I know my footing and my balance and grace and I can count on those things to keep me stable as the foundation beneath me shifts to make room for the growth occurring .  It is nothing to fear, it is everything to embrace.  The thrill of the unknown is what makes the best stories.. It is what causes ones heart to beat true so that one knows where it is and what excitement sounds and feels like...

This time of year has always filled me with anxiety.  Fall is a time of nesting and preparing for the still of winter, and it is also the time of year we are forced to step with new shoes and outfits into our fall worlds of school, work or what have you.... At a time when all we really want is a break we have to tap into our inner charms and humility and embark on another journey that we may not be ready for but we brave it none the less because it is what we are taught to do...

This year is different for me..... I feel so alive and so positive and open and honest and centered and grounded and supported and loved and heard and for each of those things I feel I am prepared to give back doubly if not more.

I cherish my relationships and I want you all to know that I am here!!! I hear... I listen... I respond.. I feel.. I am.. I wait.. I see.. I breathe.. I sit in the comfort of being alive and accepting myself flaws and all.. I am ready to dance the dance of the heart and earth and sky and water with you! I am ready to walk in the wet forest with you and feel the moist firmness of the earth beneath our feet. I am ready to go to the ocean and shout our names and our truths and fears to the horizon and beyond. I am ready to sit I peace with you, to get freaky with you, to cry, laugh, scream, burp and just be with you..

I am always here as Marco or Daylight. I am here. Let's all stand tall this fall and push a bit beyond our comfort zones and see what we can learn and do together!!!

Sending you all a big warm hug and a smile

Daylight 

Tonight 

Tonight

I Cum Portland tonight

Just for you

love,

Daylight Cums

Hello Darlings,
I have been on holiday in Canada, resting in the sun, yes it is true, and taking some needed time to reflect and do some art.  It is time to start working on the next show and song lyrics just don't write themselves (wink wink).

Most of the time I reflected... On Friday, I am going to be having my debut in Portland! I will be participating in a wonderful theatrical experience called Testify.  So, I have been thinking about my testimonial, what do I want to share, how do I want to present myself....The thing is, I just want to have the courage to be brave enough to present myself.  I want to be.  These last few years have provided me with so much growth as a human and as a performance artist.  
The other afternoon, I was standing on a deck over the ocean, the sun so hot and my body drying after jumping into the salty cold water that made me feel so whole.  As I stood there I was breathing into my feet and out of the top of my head feeling as expansive as I could and I saw my life in the strangest of ways....
I have always been this little seed that had been scattered into an area of rough terrain, never feeling courageous enough to allow water and the light to find me and help me grow.  For many years, I was just kind of kicked around the rocks always finding a place to hide from the light and the call to grow.  Courage comes at its own pace and mine took years to appear.  Many people laugh when I tell them how shy and afraid I am.  It is the truth.  I have always been afraid.  Afraid of being myself.  You know this I have mentioned it before so we won't bother with the details.
What I do know is that I finally figured a few things out and I trusted enough to let the moisture and the light find me and something scary and amazing began to happen.  I felt my outer shell begin to let go and something from my core began to grow and shift, as delicate as I was I pushed up against the soil and also down into the earth.  I expanded my space and grew.  I was even more scared, I didn't have my protection anymore, nowhere to hide.  I was delicate and shy as I rose to the surface.  And then it hit me, the glorious feel of the sun on my new flesh.  I felt so alive!  What a gift I had given myself.  Truly.
Astoria has molded me in ways I never even realized.  Through the shoving and pushing (even the pushing of friends encouraging me to come out) I have been given the strength to take a chance and grow.
Sure, I get nervous walking out my door.  Sure, I think it is odd that people still yell faggot as I walk down the street (As if I didn't know.  Hello I'm wearing gold satin hot shorts and glitter in my chest hair).  But I never let it stop me.  Each day I have the opportunity to remember how awesome and incredible the sun felt on my face the first time I chanced to look up and out, and I put that quality to my step as I walk down the street.
And I remember this even more as I strap on those six inch heels and head out the door to shine as Daylight.  I am ready for you Portland!!!!  You were my host when I came out as a young boy finding his way through the dance beats at Brig and Boxxes in 1991 and now I am coming to you as Daylight and I am ready to continue our dance.  Let's have a blast.  Let's say hello to one another and celebrate that we have an opportunity to share and grow together!  As Virginia Slims say, "We've come a long way baby!"
I will see you on Friday at Testify and maybe out dancing!  Remember, I'm shy please say "Hi."
With baited breath and glossed lips,
Daylight Cums

Today, I was so lucky to be taken to the forest to look for wild mushrooms (the kind you cook...wink, wink).  This was the first time, after all of the years of getting to cook them, that I was actually taken to the source and able to see them popping out of the ground and peeking through underbrush and forest debris.  I was moved...I can not believe that it was my first time!  The craziest part, and I can't say where this all happened or I will be punished, was that the first place we went was in an area that I had helped plant in the 4th grade.  Our school, Star of the Sea, went out to the clear cut and re-planted the area and today I stood within it and ducked as I walked.  It was glorious.
Then, the mushrooms appeared.  Little golden nuggets of goodness.  We spent about an hour wandering up the hillside and I was continually brought to my knees to welcome another one to my bag.  The boys said we got quite a haul and as we were heading out we heard a distant cry for us to look over here; and boy howdy, it was a feast for the eyes!!!  I was a bit weak in the knees seeing so many glowing from the earth begging to be taken home for our meal.  I heard the call and liberated them from the soil and told them of all the wonderful things I was going to do to them when we got home.  First, I will lay them out and take photos of them.  Second, I will brush them clean.  Third, I will cook them with loving care with garlic, onion, serrano pepper, corn and basil and lay them on a bed of arugula topped with raw goats milk feta and avocado.  I will finish by closing my eyes and savor the sensation running across my tongue and through my body.  It will be a feast to remember.  Actually, if you are still reading....in the next few days I am filming the second cooking episode and I am going to cook them as I did this evening so that you can share in the experience as well!!!
Back to the forest, as we were leaving from the awesome spot, I heard another call and rounded an old stump and there, going down the hillside were lobster mushrooms!!!!! Oh my goodness!!!!  Their color against the dark richness of the earth was something to behold.  All in all we had a fabulous haul and the meal was so incredible, if I do say so myself.  I love sharing food with friends and this took it all to a new level.  Going out and collecting the food first!!  
Moments like these are important to share with our friends.  Being out in nature, be it a walk, a sit at the beach, maybe even a swing on a swing in the park; these are the moments we need to have so that we can move forward with honesty and grace in our days.  Hugging our friends, sitting and not talking, sharing space being there in laughter and tears; those are the ways we grow and deepen our abilities to understand more than who we are but how connected we are with one another.  Our friendships should be more than just the good times.  It is the more difficult times that we are given the chance to grow, to expand.  Those connections are what we need to survive.  Just like the way that the mushrooms grow together in community, without the right elements we are nothing.  There is no chance to grow.  And we should all be courageous enough to grow, even if it just means that we will be a nice meal for someone, or a punch line to someones joke or the comforting shoulder to a friend in need.   
I see you.
With love, 
Daylight

p.s. The first episode will be up soon!  And stay tuned to how you can be invited over to partake in the eating of the food that gets made for the show.