The Alley Way

Today has been such an ultimate treat! I was given one of those moments I will cherish for years:) we are in the process of filming the Drag Queen Rap music video; we will be sharing it at the August 8 DRAGALUTION!! Colin Smith had a vision and we are role playing it for the camera.

Back to today, we filmed the "alley" scene. You know, the one by Erickson's Floral and Paramount Drugs. The scene opens with 3 of the kings playing dice and then Daylight, that's me, appears and a whole scene, including a slap across the face happens. Well, it's a public thouroughfare and there was some foot traffic and someone called the cops. 

Just minutes before a few cast members suggested it would be funny to go across the way and film people and their reactions as I stand on the corner looking like a hooker and see how long it takes the cops to show up ..

The camera is rolling, dice are being rolled, money tossed and me standing like a hooker and the cops appear just like that!!! It was so awesome:) apparently someone called in that gambeling  was going on in the alley! Then, another cop car pulled up and they were there for part of the filming.

Everyone was really nice. We just told them we were filming a video and he smiled and left us to it.

Throughout the shoot, people came by to see what was happening; shop owners came out and said, "hi" and blew kisses. Tourists even stopped and asked to take photos.  I love Astoria so much!!!

After all the group filming was done, Colin Smith and I did some solo shots ( no not that kind of a solo shot) of Me walking the streets of Astoria. We were in front of the Wet Dog, I was staring pensively into the grease waste dumpster-searching the meaning on life and being sad that the answers were not there....a car pulls up and a sweet older couple ask if they could capture my photo.. Well, of course.. The man says, " now give me a nice big smile honey." Took the photo then said," you are beautiful." And he blew me a kiss as he drove away. 

While all this is happening we have all the families, in the Wet Dog,

rubbernecking from their seats to watch the show; especially as I walk down the slippery dock to the next spot.

The best was standing on the corner of 10th and Marine Drive and hitch hiking with my thumb out and flirting with the passing spring break traffic. It was awesome! The double takes and giggles made my heart swell. I was truly doing my part as gayor of Astoria by boosting their spirits or boiling blood as they drove through our fair city.

I totally missed it, because I was waving to passing cars on our walk back, but the guests in Himani were doing that classic group take as someone passes; can't block shit that perfect;)

Anyway, of course I was totally nervous being out in broad daylight, the shroud of darkness is always so much more comforting to walk around in; but I had such a grand time and as I type this I feel so fortunate to live in such an incredible place and get to be surrounded by art forward, smart, crazy loving people that come out and encourage this old queen to keep it up, and by up I mean the work;).

True confessions

Hey y'all!! So, I'm laying in bed thinking about my life, visualizing the show in August, pondering the awesomeness of the music video we are filming right now; realizing how lucky I am to get to live the life I get to live and giggling about how silly I can be:) 

Some nights, when I can't sleep, I picture myself standing on the back porch of 1435 3rd, my childhood home, and I will kind of run glide to the edge of the forest and do a visual tour of the forts we built, the meditation field of lilly of the valley with my meditation bench where I would go and sit alone and pray like the good little boy I was (wink). We had 3 forts as a neighborhood and then I had two separate ones I had for myself because sometimes I just needed to get away from everyone and silence my demons so that I could continue to be the good little boy.. I love this visual tour. That forest was our second home. 

Sometimes I go through each room of the house and picture myself standing in the kitchen, looking out at the raspberry bushes as I wait for my chocolate chip, marshmallow and peanut butter to stop spinning in the microwave so I can eat my post paper route treat..

I go to many places like this, homes I have had in my life and remember the lessons and the sensations of how my life felt.

Tonight ( I'm sharing this next part with you because I was thinking of telling it at the show but I'd love your opinion on whether I should tell it or not) , my story takese back to when I moved back from New York in 1996, I had my great apartment across the street from Star of the Sea, I had Stella, my mannequin and sounding board for my life and the River Theater was being formed and I was on the team to bring the Summerstock season to life! It was such an awesome time and one that I block out because of how embarrassed I was from that time in my life. 

As many of you know, I enjoy the party, back then I did quite a bit. On opening night, I decided to party it up:) I put on my black vynl pants, my black mesh shirt, body glitter, platform shoes and a lot of gel in my hair... I was one fierce club kid stepping out to party in my home town and Stella approved;)

Well, I may have drank too much and maybe took a pain pill for extra fun... I went to the cafe to have Uriah prepare me a prawn meal and partake in some red wine, this was pre-voodoo room cafe, so cocktails were not an option.. Then, I made my way to the theater for the show....

Got there in time for the opening of the doors and the mingling with all the fun people out to celebrate...

I'm getting to my true confession and the embarrassing and stupid and strange thing I have done..... Don't hate me.. Please...remember I was young and returning from a lot of hurt and facing the pain of my past and trying to find courage to try and live true.... Interesting fact: even though I was like TOTALLY  gay, I still was not comfortable with it and I tried to keep a lid on something that I couldn't contain, but I tried because I just really wanted to make my parents happy, because I was a good little boy.

Here we go:

So I go over to the bar next door to have more drinks with my friends and we are sitting at the table that is visible right when a person walks in.. Well, I'm going on and on because I'm drunk and the pill, I love to call her Vicki, ( this is also the part of the story when I start laughing as I tell it mostly because I amSO stupid) was starting to say hey. I'm in the middle of a sentence and all of a sudden my head is springing up and back really fast, what the fuck.... My friends were all, " are you ok?" " you just hit your head to the table and sprang back up." 

I'm all yeah I'm fine.... Then it happens again only I go flying back in my chair having a fucking pass the fuck out kind of seizure thing that is so frightening when someone is having to watch it.... I feel so terrible still for putting those of you that were there through that... I come to and I'm on the floor and everyone is hovering over me saying that the ambulance is on the way... No fucking way. Fuck times 5000 is running through my brain as I'm trying to think of a way out of this situation. I blurt out (and I do this because I don't want anyone to know of the drugs I was on), " I think I'm allergic to the shrimp I just are and it's making me sick, please grab someone from next door and they can just drive me home.... No way I was getting in that ambulance... I was being driven away as we saw the lights approaching... I was humiliated... But not as much as the next day when people started coming over to bring me treats and take care of me as I recovered from being sick from the shrimp. I couldn't tell the truth.... I was too ashamed.  I wasn't able to really ever show my face I the bar again.. I went back much later, months, but I never felt comfortable because of what I had put the employees and my friends through.

I dedicated myself to my role of being allergic to shellfish, I added crab as a punishment, as well as even making sure I lived the lie to myself- I never once cheated in these 17 years of the lie. Even when I moved away and started over in other places I maintained that lie because I could not live with the humiliation of what I had done and how I lied to make myself look less bad. I am one stupid mother fucker.

Just this year, I was faced with a situation where I was with some people in a terribly frightening and awkward situation and the truth came out. In that moment I realized that I could lie no longer.  My curtain came down and I was able to leave the role behind..

What drives one to do such a thing? Wouldn't I have been much better off telling the truth and saving the whatever it may be that I thrust on all those people? And why on earth was it a good idea to live the lie for 17 fucking years??

Finally telling the truth on that was huge. After the first time of revealing the truth, I did go to some friends and tell them I really could eat shrimp and went through with it and told the story, the true story. I have many friends that tease me about it, testing me in public because I'm still uncomfortable with confronting the truth of my situation.... I take it because I've earned the jokes.

I lived that lie almost as long as the lie of being straight;) that one went on into the 20+ year mark;)

I feel comforted and nervous sharing this darkness with you, but I am working at being a more open, loving and honest human so it's best to just be done with it.. It was my past and I have finally had the foresight to let go of the lie and step forward on my path of playful benediction.

I really do hope you will still want to be my friend and celebrate this life, this now with me!

I send out my deepest heartfelt apologies to anyone I hurt through this time in my life...

Humbly and yours always,

Daylight

Fat Tuesday

Hey y'all!!! I have been in New Orleans for the last week enjoying the charged season of Mardi Gras as we raced to today! I have been planning this adventure for months with my friend Jeanine.  She and Uriah have a house mere blocks from the French Quarter and we have been planning our fun times while here:)

There are a few things you should know:

I love to travel.

I have a very sensitive system, especially with food that I love making me sick.

When I travel, I like to pretend that I am a normal human that can eat whatever I'd like and not suffer from it...wrong!

In April it will be a year ago that I gave up gluten to ease the inflammation in my body, especially my lower back, so you can imagine the shock and horror I've been putting myself through this last week!

My first meal was at Coops for the fried chicken that I dream about!!! The next morning we had grits with shrimp and sausage. Ribs and Mac and cheese at the Joint, the other place I dream about. Then there were all of the house parties with amazing spreads of food, so many sandwiches and baguettes with cheeses and spinach dip...fuck.  I've missed all these things so much! 

Each morning we start out by leaving the house and walking to Envie for a coffee for our walk through the quarter, while we wait for Molly's to open so we can enjoy a frozen Irish coffee, which I must say is to die for!!! Then home to make breakfast, change into our parade gear and head out for all the action.

I have seen SO many parades! Such a fun experience, standing on the side of a road with people all dressed up, holding our drinks in one hand and waving and begging to be noticed so we can score a really great strand of beads, or a shoe, or a coconut!!! It's really all in the eye contact mixed with a bit of open loving aggression;)

I've been bloating up and up as the days have passed.. I've had my usual 3 toilet births a day but I've been swelling up and not in the way I like....

I'm only saying this because I hate feeling bloated when I'm supposed to be a glamor queen and last night I was to perform, thank goodness fringe is so forgiving!!!

Jeanine was able to hook me up with a gig through Tru, a fabulous queen that is her neighbor. Meg's has a show Monday nights and Tru said that I should come down with her and speak with Rusty about getting to do a number! The cards were in my favor and I got to do one number... As I'm freezing my ass off walking downto the club I found myself happy for the extra bloat warmth;) until I took the stage and realized how slowed down I moved.. This bitch had to work hard.

The evening was a blast and I woke this morning, Fat Tuesday, to the call for French toast before we all ventured out in the pouring down cold fucking rain... 

What's one more day I say to myself as I shove a second piece of French toast down my throat... Not so much.. Two blocks into our wet walk I am hit with that old familiar feeling I've been so happy to be free of- my chest burn gas bloat miserable dead roadent reminder that I am delicate and need to pay attention. So of course I had to try to wash it away with a delicious Reuben and fries!! I never learn. I did hold myself back from eating the rack of lamb and asparagus and salad we had for dinner.  I sat at the table wrapped in a blanket so no one could see how sickly bloated and miserable I was/ still am;)

Jeanine just laid on my bed, which is convienently located in the kitchen;) I'm serious!, and we were talking about it and I mentioned that I weighed myself this morning after my first toilet birth and was horrified to see I had gained 8 pounds in one week!!! She replied, " well, it's just stupid to weigh yourself on FAT Tuesday!" Duh what was I thinking.....

I am excited about the lesson I'm taking home from this trip!! I'm identifying yet another pattern that I've been stuck in and I am freeing myself from the pressure of having to eat what I crave; I'm going to eat what I need and what makes me feel best. 

Does this mean I will never have fried chicken, ribs and French toast again. French toast never again!  I can guarantee that;) fried chicken and ribs will find their way into my mouth again I know that, but I will be much smarter at the rate and frequency I do so;)

This has been such a great trip for me! I have L.O.V.E. Loved my time!!! And I am so sxcited to be home and get back to me and what I love to do; teach, cook and put on a show and party for y'all!!!!

Much love and a big sloppy kiss,

Daylight