It was so worth it!! The summer before, I had managed to slip a few romance western novels in my box of goodies from helping at the rummage sale and I hid them at my 'secret' fort in the woods and would wander up there to read the sexy words that painted the most incredible pictures in my mind. I thought it would be more fun to write one involving characters similar to ones I knew in my little world; only it would be sexy town!! I asked this 'girl' friend of mine is she wanted to write it with me and we spent some time on our book project. We got excited and would share little snippets to our desk mates, that got me in trouble because I just can not whisper!
While we were working on our book and learning how to type computer code on our Texas Instruments computers, I struggled with my issues of my assthighs eating my boxer shorts every step I took and sitting down made it worse and I was so sensitive down there,. I would go to the bathroom to pull them (literally) out of my ass and that always made my dick tickle even more and I would end up lurking in the bathroom until it calmed down.
One of my duties at recess was to sit at the base of the stairs near the church and watch for 'the gut ' so that my friends could make out. I loved watching them make out, until they started covering up because they hated me watching. Couldn't help myself, I was gathering intel for my book.
I did the same in high school; I think it is the prerequisite for having fag hags, we have to start by standing guard for our ladies since the action wasn't happening for me unless it was with my special loving sheets that always felt so great against my mounting shame (wink). But seriously, in those days it was my shame. I couldn't pray the gay away, but I learned how to do laundry and never get caught playing with myself.
I had a few neighborhood buddies that I would go and walk the piles at the dump looking for old porn mags. I would always looking for the ones with couples so I could at least stare at what I wanted to see. I had a few select pages that I would keep folded up and tucked in a corner of my closet for those special viewing moments everyday. That is, until my mom found them, she was detailed in her searches, all those murder mysteries!!
Mornings were always the worst for me, I'd have diarrhea everyday, have to get up during Good Morning America' and snap one out so trying to get beyond my fear of the day. Please don't let anyone spit on me today. Snap. Please don't let me be shoved down the stairs again? Snap snap snap. Please no boners at school. Snap, wipe, flush, tuck wash and walk. Love you mom. The ride was with our family friend in the VW bus, which gave me a boner every ride to school and I would have to try to adjust under my ring binder so that I might be able to exit the van with no notice. Usually worked, but I would still have to walk with my books and binder held across my crotch, making my walk to the building scream even more. I would have to duck into the choir room and wait for the cool down before finishing my walk of terror to my locker. Thank goodness for the French room, always my safe haven.
P.E. was just awful!! Having to run laps in my gym shorts watching all the guys flopping around in theirs always go me too intrigued and I would have to feign a side cramp and take a breather to let it settle down. Then, I would be in class and flash to the locker room and that would always be when the bell rang and I would have to hang back and wait to make my exit.
It never gets easier, sure, they become less frequent, maybe. Over 45 the quality definitely changes and sometimes you are caught holding a rod that melts at the slightest shift of thought. Interesting.
I'm still gathering material for that book. My erotic pen has continued to touch paper and press out words crafted to arouse and intrigue and ignite the senses. Sometimes, they are too nasty and I put those aside for a much later date.
As I was walking along today, it struck me that I have never been as happy as I am right now. Things are so different for me, I kind of love it and I am so grateful that I have allowed myself to take this lifetime to be with myself and learn what pleases me and fills me with delight. So many people are always looking out for and praying for my man to come along. I love that. Who knows, maybe he will; until such times, I have the most fulfilling and loving relationship with myself going that has made my heart expand in ways I never knew possible. And as that thought vibrated through my being, I got a tickle on my tip that let me know that everything will be just fine!!! Then
, I had to stop and catch my breath.
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