shields down people; it is time for some kindness and patience....or, learning from our environment, especially those people in it

It is funny how the day can just reveal so much; the way an interaction at a store goes, greeting people you pass on the street, flipping someone off below the car window as you pass them because they clearly don't know what the hell they are doing or where they are going....just to name a few things that can tend to cause my rage button to rise and react to the situation, generally, not in a very pleasant way.  Why are we conditioned to react in such ways? Why have we been taught that treating people aggressively and without kindness is okay? Why is it so easy to hate?

These are questions that run through my mind more often than not.  They are the basis of me understanding myself and how I interact with the world.  I want to know why I do the things I do; I want to be able to control the way I let words or actions free from my physical being, I want to tame the beast that society has been grooming within me.  We should all want this.  And, then, we are challenged to stand up for ourselves, or let others do it for us, and as exchanges go on, the energy escalates and we find ourselves in rage and frustration and no one is able to listen because all we want to do is get our point across.. Even writing this, I find myself backspacing and deleting so that I can put words down that represent the quest for understanding our interactions and how to step forward with kindness.

The true lesson, and honestly the best gift, is the one we get from those in our lives.  We are so lucky to live in a time when the children are strong and they are seeing themselves and saying, "Mom and dad, brothers and sisters, relatives, friends, neighbors, teachers and preachers, this is who I am and won't you please join me on this journey?"  We are being given such wonderful opportunities to face our fears, face the things we have been conditioned to believe as wrong, and look into the eyes of people we love, maybe even created, and step beyond our comfort zone and see the world though their fresh nonjudgmental eyes.

We get this opportunity every moment of our lives by looking at the people we get to share this world with.  I get to look at you and see that we struggle and strive to keep it together and keep up appearances and all we really want and need is to accept each other and give the support we can, without hatred or prejudice or fear.  Isn't that a wonderful thing?  I believe, yes.

We can't spend our days worrying about what the neighbors are going to think.  We can't keep pushing those we love away because they are not exactly what we think they should be.  We need to stop hating one another and carrying it around with us everywhere we go.

This past week, my eyes and heart have been opened even further; the conversations I have had with the people in my life, close friends and acquaintances have made me realize that we, as a people, need to let go of the training that we have been through and stop the fighting and judging with every breath we take.  We need to take a moment and recognize, as Barbara Streisand would sing, "that we are just people, people who need people,and we are the luckiest people in the world."  Well, it seems to me that we have forgotten about people because we are too busy trying to keep the world from seeing us as the people we are.

It has, literally, taken me 45 years to get to a point in my life where I actually like who I am.  That is right, I have only liked myself for the past 2 years.  I spent my life trying to be the jewel that I thought I needed to be instead of being the beautiful human I am meant to be.  The years I spent hiding myself from the reality of my being are years I will never have again.  Conditioning taught me that I was a filthy little perverted excuse of a man; and I walked in those shoes for too many years.  Got to where I didn't even know what it felt like to walk as myself because I was too consumed at walking as I should.

If we stop and look at our lives and the lives of the people in our world around us, we will notice that we all know someone close to us who is gay, transgender, lesbian, old, handicap, homeless, rich, pious, skinny, fat; we know people of many different colors, with skin conditions, too much hair, no hair.  That recognition should bring us closer together, not further apart.  But it seems to me, each time we are faced with a revealed secret, or aspect to a person's life, we wall up and walk away.  Energetically saying, "good luck with that."

Being involved with the Lower Columbia Q Center and volunteering at the Armory has opened my eyes to reality of how mean we can be to each other.  Don't get me wrong, there is much joy and acceptance that come from these two wonderful services to our community; but sitting at the door taking money on skate nights, don't think I can't sense your judgement.  I had to call out a kid that I have known since he was born because his friends were being homophobic and so he tried to ignore that he knew me and hoped that someone else would sell him popcorn so he wouldn't have to deal with me.  He was 10.  Flabbergasted, I had to say, " your mom would be so bummed out if she knew you were treating me like this." I couldn't ignore it.

Then, walking into the high school last week; it brought those 4 years of fear and abuse back to the foreground of my conscious mind and I realized that fear and hatred can't be the rulers in my body any longer.  I can't adopt the attitudes of people around me.  I have just got to love and accept.  It solidified my prism theory: "the light from within me is reflected within the people that I interact with and when I have moments of tension or frustration of fear with people, how can I see that within myself and use it as a tool to more deeply understand how I interact with the world around me."

That day, walking through those double doors to the main hall at AHS, I knew that the only way to make it trough this world is to throw away my armor and open my eyes and heart and treat all people with kindness and equality.  It is like I learned in personal defense class, soften to the attacker, it disarms them every time.  So, I soften to the blows and words and attitudes towards me.  I don't carry your fear or frustration or judgement of me; those are your issues not mine.  I will not raise my voice to you in rage or ever match you in a hatred battle.  Instead, I will look at you with open and loving eyes and try to understand more deeply why it is that you feel you still need to hate on me or judge me or think that I am less than you because I am gay, or poor or all alone in the world; because my reality is that I live in a place with warm and amazing loving people and we all want to see each other living at our full life potential, no matter how different it may be from the way we see the world.

Let us take our lead from the poplin our lives and stop fussing over what people will think about us and just start living our lives, out loud and figure it out as we go; no concern over the mistakes or falls we make along the way; there is always a friend there to pick us up and help dust us off and encourage us on our way to continue to grow and shine and love and be kind to one another because we are all worth that kindness.  Every moment of every day.  We all hate being judged, so why is it so easy to do to others all the time.

My promise to you, is that I will never judge you.  I accept you as you are and am excited to watch you grow and express and be the light you are meant to be in this world.  I am your friend, your neighbor, relative, giggle spot, confidant and trusted companion.  Know that you are always safe with me and I see YOU!!!

As always, I am hugging you and surrounding you in love and light,
let's make eye contact next time we meet,
Daylight