These past few months have pushed me along the edge of my path in ways I never imagined I could survive. I have been balancing on the edge not knowing how to move forward. At that moment, I had to face myself and recognize that I must continue in ways unfamiliar to me. I had to let go of everything that I've held onto and trust that I would not fall. My masks were removed, my clothing left on the rubble behind me. Naked, I scaled along the edge of my existence holding on for relief and the hope that I would be on solid ground again.
What I discovered was that I felt totally equipped to go on. I was not sure as to who I was in the moment, because nothing about me felt familiar; yet, I knew I was more myself than ever before.
And then I looked up, a man was standing before me, his arm extended to take my hand. Working at not covering myself, I accept and allow him to guide me across this nasty ridge.
He was comfortable from the moment our hands touched. I didn't know what was more frightening, hanging on for dear life or finding comfort in his gaze.
For those of you that know me, I'm called 'the monk' for a reason... I fly solo. Meeting this man has changed my perspective. I want to understand this me I'm becoming. This new fool, willing to trust and fall into another's arms.
It brings me back to 2002, Winter term at the University of Oregon, needing to take a dance improvisation class; I decided on contact improvisation. The name alone scared me....contact. What?? What I discovered was that my body and soul had been starved of contact for years. To give into the trust and allow another person, often a stranger, to roll and support, lift and carry me through space and time was a sensation I didn't even realize I was missing in my life.
The extra bounce in my step and sparkle on the air around me is due to finding that quality with the new man in my life, Tim. He has brought me to my breath, my heart beat and my desire to understand and discover more. His presence in my life has brought me to the edge and I see sky expanding beyond my understanding and I know I am to trust, to let go and to soar with him. Along the current of the wind we are carried and the air is sweet and warm and he is flying by my side taking it all in with me as we expand into the unknown; knowing that this is exactly where we need to be.
My past is no more. My skin has been shed and I am alive in this new body. I know not where we may touch down, I'm comfortable in the flight and also know that I am more grounded than I can ever recall. As the Warrior Queen, I am blessed to have found a warrior to carve out this path with. As frightening as it is to open up and share my vulnerability, I am grateful to be given the opportunity to be able to do so in this life time and especially with a man that sees me in the fullness of my being, flaws and all; and he is willing to share his vulnerability with means I find that priceless beyond measure.
To the journey my loves! May we all continue to grow and shine in the beauty and knowledge of who we are and how lucky we all are to have one another.
All my love,
Daylight
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